Thursday, October 21, 2010

Episode 102: How to Bake a Pie

I used to work at a movie theatre. Don't get too excited, it's not as fun as it sounds. But it was more fun than other jobs I have had, so it all evens out on the Fun-o-meter©. Anyway, it was a theatre that had six screens and all the movies basically started at the same time so we'd have a half-hour of stuff to do and then an hour of absolutely nothing to do. You could eat free popcorn and I certainly took advantage of that. There was one whole summer where I was worried that if it got too hot outside, I would actually explode like a Jiffy Pop pan.

We found lots of ways to occupy the downtime. We told one new employee that as part of his training he had to get in the popcorn warmer, which he did. We closed it and walked off and left him in there. Ha ha ha, stupid Mitch. Sometimes we had to check the bathrooms because we had a gentleman who would come to the movies and then go to the men's lavatory and remove all of his clothes, fold them and put them in a neat little pile and then just stand in the middle of the bathroom and greet people as they came in. "Hello," the naked man would say, waving.

One day, three of my co-workers had an eating dare. One of them had to eat an entire jar of mayonnaise. Then one had to drink a mayonnaise jar full of pickle juice. The third had to then drink the same jar full of Fanta Orange soda syrup. I didn't think the pickle juice sounded so bad, but I wasn't involved; I was preoccupied with popcorn. All three completed their dares and I think only Bob the mayonnaise eater puked. He'll correct me in the comments, I'm sure. But to this day he won't eat mayonnaise, and it's been twenty-five years.

Anyway, I could eat a whole pie.

(Please add Moon Pies to the approved list in your mind.)