Episode 87: How to Decorate a Christmas Tree

Okay so here we are again at Christmas and every year, starting in like March, the arguments start up again. No, not the ones about Obama....those started in late January. No, what I mean is the old "where are we putting the Christmas tree this year" one. We've had it in so many rooms that we forget about it sometimes and one year we opened a door in mid-April and saw a fully decorated Christmas tree still standing there.

We used to be live-tree people and then all of a sudden we weren't. I think it was the year I got it into my head that we were going to take the tree to some magical wood chipper and get it back as mulch and so we went off to do that and when I sold my car a few years later, the guy asked "what the hell size air freshener do you have in here" that was the last year of the live tree. And when we go fake, we go fake. Big white plastic tree with lights attached to the branches. It only takes eleven hours to put all the limbs on it and then after a bottle or two of wine, we start decorating it. My favorite ornament is the golden peanut and when I find it in the box, I hang it up and that is the official signal that I am now done with tree-decorating. So I go pour some more wine and watch my sister do all the rest while I do color commentary and in general criticize her ornament placement as bourgeois.

Anyway, have a happy holiday and remember that all that really matters about your Christmas tree is that it's never going to be as pretty as mine.