Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Episode 54: How to Slice a Sandwich

Ugh. If there's one thing I can't stand it's baby talk, or more specifically full-grown adults who infantalize every word with more than three syllables. There is nothing grosser on this earth than listening to a forty-five year old otherwise normal person say "veggies." It makes me want to choke them, seriously. You can talk to a BABY that way or if you have a dog that weighs less than five pounds, maybe. Or if you've had a stroke and have to spell everything out with your blinking eyelid and that extra syllable or two really might cause some sort of irreversible eyelid sprain. Other than those exceptions, just say the goddamned word.

Another one I've noticed a lot of lately is people who say "samwich" instead of "sandwich." I can't decide if people are being cute or if they're just stupid; it's hard to tell because the line between those two things can be so, so fine. And don't get me STARTED on "sammiches." And I just KNOW that that is the sole responsibility of one Miss Rachael RAY and I suggest you don't bring HER NAME UP around me EITHER.

I think I'm ranting too much today. I better go eat some Lemonheads and calm down.


Meg said...

My pet peeve in this area is "Valentime's Day." Makes me nuts.

nbm said...

But, but. It depends on the sandwich! Grilled cheese, definitely, diagonal, but peanut butter and jelly, vertical.

DG Strong said...

You are playing a dangerous game.

No. Vertical is wrong because all the bites are the same size. A Diagonal Cut guarantees a small-bite at first and then a climactic giant full-mouth bite and then a tapering-off bite. It's like methadone.

Get with it, lady.

Lyddie said...

Thank goodness you chose diagonal or I'd have to start questioning your judgement. No offense intended to nbm, but vertical is always wrong.

lewarkk said...

You forgot the part about slicing off the crusts.