Monday, January 5, 2009

Episode 69: How to Start the New Year Right

Oh the end of the year has been so EXCITING I have hardly had a chance to Psychopedicize very much. Actually, no, that is a lie. The end of the year has been a BORE and the reason I haven't been educating you lately is because I was off researching how to turn each of my fingers into corkscrews, so I could save time opening wine bottles during the holiday season. And maybe after.

ANYWAY! I spent a fun five days in Eureka Springs, Arkansas for the New Year's holiday. I know what you're thinking: it must have been a crystal meth-filled holiday, what with it being in Arkansas and all! But no, even though crystal meth does flow like the RIver Jordan there, we kept mainly to cheese nips, macaroons and vanilla vodka. Most of us had gone to college together so it was just like The Big Chill but instead of "I Heard it Through the Grapevine," it was "You Spin Me Round" by Dead or Alive. And singalong Sound of Music, so yes, you can imagine, I'm sure. Nothing makes people choose different chairs faster than originally sitting next to the wrong person when you get to "Climb Ev'ry Mountain," let me tell you.

We took turns making dinner; one night, David and Jeff made filets and roasted green beans and potatoes made out of unicorns or whatever and then another night, Dani and Don made quesadillas and tortilla soup. I was paired with Sarah, so we made bean water. Our theme was "The Joad Family New Year," apparently. Hahahahah that's what they get for pairing the two poorest people up! Then we laughed a lot at dirty phrases that we don't really know what they are (AND DON'T TELL ME), like "rusty trombone." So that was funny because now we're all going to try and say them innocently in conversation and whoever laughs we'll secretly know is a total pervert. That's a good trick for the new year.

Anyway, Happy 2009 from your Psychopediast. Keep tuning in; you've been doing a lot wrong, I can tell.


Anonymous said...

hooray! you came back!

Anonymous said...

Drive Every Mountain,
Reach for First Gear,
Don't slow down on the curves,
and we'll meet you here.

Love, Dr Wes and Wanda - Come back soon

Anonymous said...

Finally! I check everyday and am relieved to see you're back. By the way...I nominated you for the best unknown blog of 2009 at

I would have logged in but I can't remember my username or password.

DG Strong said...

I'm back INDEED! And bitchier and bossier than EVER, so you better watch out!

But! Awards, awards, who needs them? I want CASH and I want it in the MAILBOX!

Sir Grady Highberry said...

The Gorilla Mask (aka The Abe Lincoln).

DG Strong said...

That sounds positively filthy, whoever you are.

Meg said...

OMG! I used TMI with you at lunch last week.

I need a Cosmo said...

Ohhh, I have to be your new best friend! I have been laughing (at your expense) for the past 15 minutes!