Thursday, July 24, 2008

Episode 42: How to Prepare for a Parental Visit

Okay, so my parents are moving back to town after a few years in California. They want to live in my neighborhood, but until they can find a house, they're putting everything in storage and moving in with me. So if you need me, I'll be at the liquor store....I kid! I kid! They'll be at the liquor store too! Because I know I'm not easy to live with. I mean: it takes a long time to adjust to The Way I Do Things. Like for instance, there are three cutting boards in the kitchen, but only one of them is for cutting. The other two are for displaying vegetables and putting the olive oil and balsamic vinegar bottles on. There are two colanders: one is for onions, one is for draining things and you cannot mix them up. There's a knife that has the word TOMATE (it's French! or something!) cut out of the blade, and it must only be used for cutting tomates. No other vegetable. If you write any words on the new chalkboard wall in the kitchen, you must cursive.

I know: the minutiae is overwhelming. But that's how I am. One time I was throwing a Shakespeare dinner party with my friends Beth and Thom and there were like twenty people there and we were all dressed like we were from India (I'll explain one day, if I can work up the energy) and we had spent all day cooking crazy Indian food and I had tracked down this fig ice cream for dessert. Or maybe it was date ice cream. Hmmm. Something Indian anyway. And I almost had a nervous breakdown because I couldn't get everybody back around the table to eat the ice cream because everyone was busy trying to figure out the hookah. Like it made me mad, which makes me think I might be a little bit bossy and controlly. Nobody ever did eat that stupid ice cream. Anyway, it was a fun party. The lead singer of Big Country was there, before he went to Hawaii and committed suicide. But better before than after, I guess.


Kitt said...

I wish you had cameras all over, like "DG's Real World," for this extended "visit."

Jake Barlow said...

Perhaps less amusing, but equally emotionally distressing, is preparing for sending your parents off. By "your parents" I mean your parents. My wife, her family, and I had the good but unfortunate opportunity to say farewell to Don and Jo this weekend as they head east to be closer to kin. It was a great night, and your folks are some great people, and you're lucky to have them. We will miss them sorely.

Alas, knowing them and then getting to sort of know you through this blog, I can completely understand your anxiety.

My wife and I were hoping to get to meet you in person when you come out to CA, but it looks like your time here will be extremely brief. But maybe you'll be lucky enough to meet my wife's family, since they live just around the corner from your folks.

We love your blog!